Jessica feels so lost for the first time since she was a NewBorn. When she was first created she had Bill and even Pam and Eric to help guide her in different but many ways. But those days are long gone leaving Jessica lost confused and she hates this feeling.
Jessica is happily married to Hoyt. She loves him so very much and they have a beautiful adopted 8 yr old girl Casey. She is the sweetest thing ever. You figured this would make Jessica happy, she is happy with the family that she loves so very much. but she is also sad deep down inside. She fears that she is forgetting the fact of what she really is a monster.
She is reminded of this every night when she is starving for blood. Her dark vampire side comes out. She wants to hunt, shes wants to kill her victims and not think twice about it. She feels this is her nature. Its what shes supposed to be doing. She has no idea if this is right or wrong. She has no guidance.
Hoyt is always offering his blood to her, but she feels its not enough. She needs a variety of different kinds of blood. She also knows he worries about Jessica and it does kill her thinking he fears that he is not good enough for her when she knows he is the best thing that has ever happened to her.
Jessica just wishes she had Bill back in her life or even Eric and Pam. She wishes that he did not abandon her. they all swore they would be there for her but they are not. She hates Bill for what he did to her as for Eric and Pam, they never have time for her. They still call her a newborn and they just shoo her away. how is Jessica supposed to get the answers she needs with no guidance.
Jessica fears if she continues as she does by hunting and killing she will be caught by the AVL and she fears she would meet her second death. She fears this everytime she comes back from a hunt. Hoyt has even warned her about this as she just ignores his warnings telling him everything is fine and this is her nature and its what vampires do, hunt and kill.
If Jessica does not get the help or guidance she needs she fears she will be lost forever and her dark vampire side of her will come out for good and she will not ever be able to control herself. She pleads for any older vampire to help her with this but she is just unsure if that would ever happen.
